Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.

The biggest thing i regret not doing last year is working harder at losing weight. i started off 2012 the way i have started the last several years... full of good intentions and goals... but my weight problem was more emotional than ability and i never really put the required effort into it...until i met Master.

i learned many years ago that being really overweight afforded me a certain amount of...invisibility. Odd how being BIGGER can make You MORE invisible, but it worked. it didn't keep me from making mistakes or getting devastatingly hurt but it did prevent me from being faced with situations i didn't feel strong enough to get out of. i didn't have to fight people off as much and i didn't have to work so hard to say NO, leave me alone... something my Master has taught me since He became my Owner.

It would take a long while to explain why i have kept all this weight on. What things happened when i was thin that i didn't want to happen but literally wasn't equipped with a two letter word or the boundaries that go along with it to stop them from happening. I found that the bigger i got, the less i was cornered. i didn't intentionally eat...i just didn't work hard to get rid of it.

But now i am with my Master and i so wish that i looked the way i used to before i decided to hide behind the great wall of fat. :(

since meeting Master, i have lost 60 pounds and i am continuing to lose steadily and i am really happy about that, but i would love to just wake up tomorrow and have it GONE. i want SO much to be sexy and beautiful for Him.

With Master i am safe to come out of hiding. Those things i wanted to try and avoid i don't have to worry about anymore because i am safe with Him...i am stronger, i protect His property and can hide behind Him if i need to. (and i admit i do...often)

There is still something about me that seems to bring out the snakes and leering creeps. frowns and i've noticed that as i'm losing weight, i am starting to become visible again and am getting talked to and noticed more and at times that really makes me REALLY nervous... but Master has me in His arms and i'm going to be ok.

So yes, i DO regret not doing this last year, but there was a reason, a very deep, dark, complicated reason i couldn't.

i can now, thanks to being owned by Master, so THIS is the year allllll this extra weight goes away once and for all and i can be myself again without hiding behind weight.