Sheesh... what a question... i struggle with a lot of things at
times, but i'd have to say that the thing i struggle with the most is
the fear of things disappearing that i trust in. This makes itself very
present in my relationship with Master.
i fall into the trap of worrying that one day i will wake up and
things will have changed or disappeared or been lost. i have a hard
time believing that good things actually stay around for long and
because of that, it makes me more clingy, more needy... fortunately
Master likes my neediness, which is a good thing for me, lol.
in all honesty, i don't know if i will EVER fully get over that
lingering fear in the back of my mind and sometimes in the forefront of
it, that things will disappear, that Master will one day just not love
me anymore and leave or that all of this is just a dream and i wake up
back in hell.
But the good news is i AM trying to relax and not wait for the other
shoe to drop. i want to learn to just love and live for the now, plan
for the future, look forward to the future, but not FEAR it.
Master always tells me "Don't borrow trouble, ali." (me? borrow trouble? never...grins)
and He's right, even though it IS hard for me not to do that. i am
the "what if" queen, lol. But i am getting a little better about not
borrowing trouble and once Master moves here for good, i can learn to
not be afraid that i will wake up one morning and He will be gone.
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