The simple life...

Sometimes i sit and think about my life now and i wonder what the heck happened. When did it get so unbelievably complicated? When did it become all about trying to make a living and paying bills and battling weight, and "dealing with things" instead of just enjoying things? When did it become about just getting through the day only to do it all again the next day?

i remember years ago when i actually had time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. and Now? Now i'm lucky to even SEE the roses let alone smell them. i remember when evenings were peaceful, kids in bed, sitting out on my back porch listening to the sounds of crickets or other evening critters.

I remember lightening bugs and going on picnics, taking drives just because...i remember a lot of things.
My days all run together now. One long endless quest to support myself and the kids so i can get away from the soon to be ex. i get up early, stay up late, working.... always working.

Don't get me wrong, i am grateful and thankful to HAVE that work. i'm thankful to be paid for something i love to do. But sometimes it would just be nice to simplify my life and have enjoyable times again instead of everything being so stressed.

i used to have SO many dreams about my life and how i wanted it to go. The passionate loving marriage to someone who knew me inside and out and wanted to not only own me legally but mentally, physically, emotionally.... sheesh THAT dream certainly never came CLOSE to coming true with my exes, lol. It was my own personal hell inside those marriages... and i am thankful to not be in them anymore.

i used to want to have property in the country, horses, a barn, a beautiful home with wood floors, fireplaces, and a sprawling porch...i wanted to have gardens and cookouts and sit on the porch smelling freshly mowed grass while i watched the kids chase fireflies...

i'm only 43... i'm not ready or willing to say "this" is how my life goes from here on out. i just have to figure out how to find the vision again...or redefine the vision and figure out what it is now...i'm different now than i was then in many ways... not bad..just different... but i still believe that there is more to life than working each day and just trying to get through.

slavery isn't always easy...

it's easy to be a slave when it's fun or enjoyable, or when it's easy.  But the true magnitude of my slavery really hits home with me during the times it's VERY difficult.  Serving my Master is never difficult.  i live for that every day and look for ways to please Him.  That's important to me.

But sometimes, there are things that are difficult for me and i have to truly fight myself to stay in the right place at His feet.  It's not that i become belligerent or mouthy.  In all honesty, that is not me and never would be.  it's that usually, i become afraid and that fear causes me to step out of what i know to be the right thing to do, or out of the things Master wants me to do.  Sometimes these internal fights get pretty intense and i am very hard on myself for slipping or struggling Master doesn't expect me to be perfect, but *i* expect myself to be no matter how much i know that true perfection isn't possible. 

Fear causes me to do many things...as soon as i get scared i try to start scrambling to find secure ground and that can present itself in a number of ways... asking things i shouldn't,  worrying about things i shouldn't, backing off, closing up, not sleeping, even having panic attacks.

During these times when i may be reeling inside,  i am consistenly trying to get myself back into the right frame of mind, and the self dialogue begins....

yes, i do talk to myself... and i have a good friend who understands the dynamic Master and i have because it is similar to hers and her Sir's dynamic, so she is good at kicking me back into place. She doesn't say what i want to hear, even though *sometimes*  i wish she would... but it helps to have an outside source reaffirming the self dialogue i am telling myself.

It's an ongoing battle.  Sometimes the only way i can get back into the right frame of mind is to tell myself that no matter WHAT happens, i will survive it even if i don't feel like i will, and that if my Master feels that whatever it is that needs to be done whatever way He feels is best, then He must have had a good reason and it is NOT for me to question. 

But that place takes awhile for me to get to, and it's not instant or fake.  Faking it does nothing but make it all worse and eventually everything will blow up in my face internally.  So i spend a few days or whatever trying to get where i know i need to be... 

i am not a slave because it's easy.  Total surrender, 100% of all of me, fears included, is the hardest thing i've ever done.  But when i AM able to get there, to BE in that place i want to be more than anything, it makes me SO happy


Very few things trip me up.  i don't have "issues" with 100% control, being told what to do, where to go or not go, and other things... but this one thing i struggle with and it really gets in the way of who i want to be for Him. 

i am a work in progress in this area and i know i can beat it... i may not beat it tonight or tomorrow... or even next week, but every day i will work hard to overcome anythng that takes me away from where i need and want to be more than anything and that is at my Master's feet. 

slave book of days... 7/11/12

Outside my window... a bit hot, kind of humid, and less bird sounds than normal... not exactly quiet but not jungle sounding the way it is some mornings, lol.


My thoughts... i've got a lot going on in my head this morning... now if i can just make sure that i keep my focus on the things i should think about and not think about the things i shouldn't...then i'd be doing really good. :)


Today's Quote... "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you are right..."




i am thankful for... waking up, having a great Master that likes to laugh and have fun, my kids and working for myself



From my service training... researching slave positions, and Elizabethan language


From the kitchen... i think i'm going to make a recipe i found that i thought the kids would love trying. It has cresent rolls, chicken and gravy in it. I think they'll love it. :)


i am wearing... shorts and a black bra at the moment...it's hot in my room...



i am creating... a book of recipes for my Master

my adventures this week...dinner with my sister tonight, possibly going back to the doctor tomorrow, errands, chores... stuff like that :)


Becoming well read... Erotic Slavehood...


i manifest and co-create... success in my business, the home of my dreams that i found the other day on a plans website....yep... that's the one! Perfect size, perfect floor plan... it's just perfect.


Today's Melody... getting away from the mushy love songs for awhile... :)
this is a song that i love and told Master about last night. It's an oldie but one of my favorites without a doubt...Gene Kelly was so amazing... i like Usher's remake of it as well and think he did a good job. Master likes the original better (and i agree)... so... here they both are. :)

<p/>One of my favorite things... quiet time... such a rarity sometimes :) <p/>further plans for this week... no further plans to speak of at the moment. Hoping for rain and some cooler temps later in the week. <p/>Still....life i need to get away... this looks like the perfect spot to me...

slave book of days 7/10/12

Outside my window... someone is building something this morning..,sounds of hammering along with the birds this morning


My thoughts... i am in a thoughtful place this morning..,quiet, introspective about a lot of things...my slavery, my health, how life has changed over the years. In some ways life was so much simpler years ago...guess today i'm feeling the weight of being a single mom of 7 kids, trying to make ends meet and just wanting life to be simple again... i miss the days when i didn't struggle with fears, with insecurities...when i just woke up happy and excited for the day and the day was simple...or at least relatively so.


Today's Quote... Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying i will try again tomorrow. Mary Anne Radmacher


i am thankful for... waking up each day ready to try again, my Master and hearing Him tell me He loved me...such beautiful words to hear, my kids. the fact that i get to see Master in 15 days.



From my service training... Researching slave positions, working on my recipes for Master and studying the Elizabethan way of speaking...


From the kitchen... from the looks of it, all i'm making for dinner is laundry. Good grief where did all this COME from? as far as dinner tonight... hmmmm... not a clue. Something easy that the kids will eat sounds good to me.


i am wearing... shorts and a light green, short sleeve top.


i am creating... a book of my Master's favorite recipes



my adventures this week... getting my hair done today or tomorrow, hopefully today... trying to figure out what is going on with my system... dealing with some unexplained swelling in my feet and legs that is about to make me crazy. Hopefully can figure it out soon...


Becoming well read... Still working on Erotic Slavehood



i manifest and co-create... Success in mine and my Master's businesses, the house of O/our dreams



Today's Melody... cherish each minute...they just go by too fast...

One of my favorite things... the knowledge that i don't have to go anywhere or do anything...that i can just relax... i don't get this very often, lol

further plans for this week... possibly go back to the doctor, do something about the mountains of laundry that are threatening to bury the house, mow the lawn

Still....life ... where does MY road take me? i don't know at the moment...

slave book of days- 7/9/12

Outside my window... sometimes it sounds like a jungle in my back yard in the morning...so many birds with all their sounds... i always wonder what they're saying... Someone is cutting branches or something because i can hear the sound of a chainsaw as well.


My thoughts... slowly waking up, and thinking about the things i want to accomplish in my life in general. Thinking about my visit with Master that is coming up in a little less than 16 days...(15 days 22 hours, lol) i need to see Him, i need to feel His arms around me... a few other thoughts that are floating around in my head this morning, but those i am not going to give voice to...they don't need to be there.


Today's Quote... "Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk." anonymous



i am thankful for... that i wake up every morning, that i have a Master that lights up my soul just from seeing His face, that my kids are sweet and healthy, that i am losing weight and reaching my goals one day at a time.


From my service training... will be researching slave positions and the different ones there are, studying Elizabethan verbiage and how it was used.


From the kitchen... i think it's a hot dog and mac n cheese night.


i am wearing... lime green tank top and matching shorts... easy and cool


i am creating... Will continue to work on my recipes for the trip today. i want to make a "Master's Favorites Cookbook" :)



my adventures this week... Getting ready for the trip...getting house organized, getting my nails and hair done this week, waiting on my outfit for Renaissance Faire to be made.


Becoming well read... Erotic Slavehood



i manifest and co-create... my Master's and my dream house, major success in my business and success for my Master in His.



Today's Melody...

One of my favorite things... sitting on the beach in the evening, hardly anyone else around, watching and listening to the waves...

further plans for this week... Not sure what else is going on the rest of this week. i have dinner with my sister on Wednesday night, but that's it so far.

Still Life...

want to be here...NOW

slave book of days 7/8/12

Outside my window... *the sounds of the cicada and birds today. The cicada sounds are a sound that has always...well...lol, annoyed me actually. i've often wondered just how many of them there are around to make that kind of noise. hmmm... *shudders* okay, i don't think i'm going to think about THAT anymore, lol. i'm not a bug person. The first time i ever heard that noise i was driving down the road and thought there was something wrong with my van.* *grins*


My thoughts... *my thoughts are always filled with my Master, from the time i get up until i go to sleep, and even in my dreams. i am focused on getting ready for O/our visit, which i am so excited about. Only 16 days, 23 hours until i see Him again..*


Today's Quote...*"Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher. Life is already filled with those who want to bring you down" Oprah Winfrey*



i am thankful for... *my wonderful Master who takes the time to guide me, mold me, and encourage me. He is my inspiration to be the best i can be every day; my kids who are so entertaining and creative...they make me smile every day.*


From my service training... *Research slave positions and the different kinds there are and put together a report on this for Master...*


From the kitchen...* i think i'm going to make a chicken and pasta salad today for the children. it'll be a nice, cool meal for them and they love pasta salad.*


i am wearing... *white shorts and pink top with a white and deep pink design on it (they are flowers i think, lol)*


i am creating... *a collection of recipes that i want to try for my Master while i am there serving Him on O/our visit. *



my adventures this week...*there haven't been a lot of "adventures" per se, this week. my life is pretty calm for the most part. In general, i just do errands and stuff, lol. In a little over two weeks, i will have a lot of adventures to write about. :) *


Becoming well read... *Erotic Slavehood*



i manifest and co-create... *the dream home that is perfect for Master and the kids and i, Master's successful business and the increase in income from my writing business.*



Today's Melody...

One of my favorite things... *Cuddling close with my Master and kissing and talking and laughing together...and then when it turns so passionate... *sighs happily*

further plans for this week... *getting my nails done Monday and my hair hopefully Tuesday. :) Doing more things to get ready for the visit with Master.*

Still....life

i want to be here...

slave book of days...7/7/12

Outside my window... the sound of a mower, lol. i love the smell of mowed grass but it's so hot that wonderful "mowed grass" smell is missing." *pouts*


My thoughts... thinking about my visit with Master, and some other things that have my mind occupied this morning.


Today's Quote... *"If you dream about it, think on it, study it, live it, breathe it, take ACTION on it, you can and will own it. Believe it, and now...go get it"*


i am thankful for... *my Master's love and patience and the way He makes me feel every single day... my kids, the fact that i get paid for writing.:)*


From my service training... *sighs... okay TODAY i will come up with what to put here. *grins**


From the kitchen... *tonight "corn dogs" have been requested by the kids, so corn dogs, salad, fruit and something else. Maybe some pasta salad.*


i am wearing... *jean shorts and a purple sleeveless top.*


i am creating... ummmmmm... *adds this to the list of things i need to figure out today*



my adventures this week...* lunch with my sister today because she has to "talk to me about something" kinda worried about this, lol. My sister isn't notorious for being overly...um..positive.*


Becoming well read... *Still reading Erotic Slavehood.*



i manifest and co-create... *the house of my Master's and my dream, great success in my writing business and in Master's consulting/training business.*



Today's Melody... *sweet song about new beginnings...*

O

ne of my favorite things... *Every second spent with my Master... every day it just gets better and better*

further plans for this week... *working on my articles, house cleaning, getting ready for my visit with Master*

Still....life

slave book of days...7/6/12

Outside my window... another sunny day... lots of birds singing and it's already hot...that, baking kind of hot that can make you feel like you're cooking, lol. Maybe it'll rain tonight, :)


My thoughts... i went to bed thinking about Master and before my eyes were even open, i was thinking about Him. He fills my mind constantly... how can i serve Him best today? How can i make Him smile and laugh and feel good? How can i be a better slave today? He inspires me to be the best i can be...


Today's Quote...“You can not retain a true and clear vision of wealth if you are constantly turning your attention to opposing pictures, whether they be external or imaginary.” ~Wallace D. Wattles


i am thankful for... my Master's ownership, His love and patience, the fact that He chose ME to be His, my children and their creativity and kindness, the fact that i have my own business that is growing and flourishing


From my service training... Okay...this is the third day that i still haven't thought of something to put here, lol. i WILL figure this out today and have something to put here tomorrow


From the kitchen... the kids wanted soup and sandwiches for dinner, so that will be easy and there will be no need to heat up the kitchen by using the stove.


i am wearing... blue jean shorts, a yellow top with sparkly pink and orange flowers on it. It's my "sunshine" shirt. and it's sparkly! can't go wrong there. :)


i am creating... ah yes...the OTHER section i don't have anything for, lol. Same goal applies to this category...something i am creating.... thinks of things i could do and put here...


my adventures this week... errands today, working on my articles, and that's about it for now. It's been so hot that being out in it is not really enjoyable...


Becoming well read... reading more in Erotic Slavehood today and will post a blog about what i have read so far


i manifest and co-create... the house that Master and i found plans for the other night. This house is a place i can literally SEE us in, living, laughing, loving... i know that it will happen. i can't always explain why i feel certain things, but i know it will happen and i am working towards that.


Today's Melody... i'm feeling so good today... this is such a great song and so true about the simple things in life...

One of my favorite things...i love the night time when Master and i skype...so full of laughter, love, incredible passion.... 

further plans for this week... Want to finish up the articles i need to do and get some shopping done for my upcoming trip. Grocery shopping is in my future as well. If it cools off i'd like to take the children to the beach in the evening one day this weekend.

Still Life...

slave book of days... 7/5/12

Outside my window... another hot one today...sunny out but oh so hot already this morning. Birds singing sound so pretty though... :)


My thoughts... looking forward to another day i get to serve my Master to the best of my ability. Looking for ways i can sink deeper into my surrender to Him. i'm also thinking of O/our visit and looking forward to it so much.


Today's Quote... "If you put a small value on yourself and what you have to offer, rest assured the world will not raise your price."


i am thankful for... being allowed to serve my Master and getting to be His, my healthy children, the mentality i have to strive for the things i want to accomplish...


From my service training... still need to find something for this category. maybe i can do this today...


From the kitchen...Not sure what i will be fixing for tonight. When it's hot it's hard to think about cooking anything. :)


i am wearing... a teal t shirt and light gray shorts...keeping cool...


i am creating... working on something to put here...



my adventures this week...going to the DR. today to get medicine refills for BP. will be glad when i've lost enough to not have to take these anymore.




Becoming well read... Erotic Slavehood



i manifest and co-create... the beautiful, PERFECT home that Master and i really liked that W/we found last night. It's perfect...in every way...



Today's Melody...

 

One of my favorite things...i love bodies of water... water falls, oceans, rivers... there is something so calming about this for me.

further plans for this week... doing some shopping this weekend, hopefully for my upcoming visit to see Master, getting caught up on my work  

Still....life

slave book of days...7/4/12

Outside my window... *sunny, WAY too hot... but still beautiful. Very grateful to live here at the ocean*


My thoughts... *motivated to be as good a slave as i possibly can be for my Master. No more of the "issues" i've been allowing myself to be affected by. I think it's time to actually let myself accept His love... :)*


Today's Quote... *"At any given moment, you have the power to say this is NOT how the story is going to end"*


i am thankful for...*my Master and His never ending patience and love for me; my kids. my writing career and the great client i work for that NEVER runs out of work for me. He is my ticket to being on my own with the kids and away from the ex from hell. :) *


From my service training... *hmmmm...need something to put here. i wonder what kinds of things would qualify for service training? ponders*


From the kitchen... *have pasta salad chilling in the fridge, hot dogs for later with chili. :) oh and fruit!*


i am wearing... *a black tank top and shorts...it's been SO hot lately...*


i am creating... *i need to work on this one... not sure what to put down here either... i need to create something... *



my adventures this week... *dinner with my sister tonight, and then nothing else really... typical grocery errands and so on. *


Becoming well read... *i am starting Erotic Slavehood today*



i manifest and co-create... a home for the kids and i.. (and Master...*grins*) Our dream home...



Today's Melody...(the background of this video reminds me of the night i got on my knees in front of my Master the first night we met in person and asked, no BEGGED to be His... 3:00 am, at the beach all alone, just the two of us... it was incredible)*

One of my favorite things... *my beautiful collar...i touch it constantly and love looking at it.* 

further plans for this week... *not sure at the moment... mostly just working and catching up on articles for my client.* 

Still....life

Service Book of Days is back....update

I started doing the Service book of days months ago and got away from it.   I would like to incorporate this back into my days and will be posting it here on the blog along with other posts about things.    I love the whole premise behind the Book of days, and i know it will help me to focus a bit better and feel more productive. 

I'm trying to decide whether to just post the book of days as a daily post of make it have its own tab.  Hmmmm will have to think about that.   I'll probably post the book of days here and on Fetlife too. :)


Master wants me to post my slave book of days on a separate tab that i have titled "slave book of days" W/we changed the name from service book to slave book because it just worked better for both of U/us. lol