4. a friend i admire (random facts about ali)

A friend i admire is actually someone from my past who i sadly, don't have much contact with anymore. Nothing happened but life really. i moved away and as things sometime do, we drifted apart and got busy with our own lives.

i admire her because she learned how to do all those things i wish i had been taught when i was little...canning, gardening, sewing, cooking and baking...she is kind of a homesteader now with her husband and 5 kids.

Her grandmother taught her all those things and the women in my family didn't teach me anything except how NOT to be like them.

but i digress...lol... she and i used to have long, drawn out discussions on so many things, especially about the kind of life we wanted to live. We both wanted to be on a farm, lol...

well she has a small one now...farm house, chickens, garden, etc...and i have a zoo. grins But Master and i have such great plans for having at least 40 acres and He wants to build another log home on it and while i don't want a farm anymore, i DO very much want horses...and chickens might be kinda cool looks at Master questioningly

i also LOVE the idea of gardening and i still want to learn to sew (heck, im even button sewing challenged, lol) it's never too late to learn stuff, and everything i learn to do will make me a better, more valuable slave to my Master, so i look forward to getting O/our own version of the farm and learning to can, sew, garden and many other things i've always wanted to learn. :)

i admire my friend for getting those things we talked about. it gives me a lot of hope for MY future as well. :)

Day 04: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.

This is something that i only get to do when i am with Master, but with Him moving down here, i'll get to have it be part of my daily routine for...well, forever unless Master changes it. 

i love making His morning coffee and breakfast.  Whenever i have been with Him or He's been here, i get up and make His coffee every morning, bring it to Him and then make His breakfast. 

Master is very routine oriented so this is something that is a requirement and i love it.  In fact when He was here last week, my daughter got up and made the coffee for both of us, which was a nice gesture but it REALLY threw me off and i felt lost. 

i guess that sounds silly but it is something that really means something to me to do this for Him.  When i couldn't do it, it made me feel very off balance. 

When He is living here permanently, i know that i will enjoy this daily routine and look forward to starting His day with my service on an every day basis.  i don't know that it matters as much to Him as it does me, but He allows me to do it, so i am happy. :)

Any chance i get to serve Him makes me really happy.

3. Something I never leave the house without (random facts about ali)

i guess like many women, i don't leave the house without my purse.  But my purse is more like a...satchel, lol.  It's huge and i carry everything in it from my wallet to notebooks in it.  i've tried small purses and they just don't work. 

Guess it comes from being a mom of a lot of kids that i always had to carry the house with me.  i don't like the "diaper bag" look so i always made sure my purse was big enough. 

People have picked up the thing and been shocked at the weight of it.  "What in the world do you have in here?"  is a common question, lol...

But if i left the house without it i'd be in serious trouble because it really does have everything i need in it and more.  And if for some reason i need the entire house at a moment's notice, i'm usually likely to have it in there.  Along with toys for the kids, pens, money, and many other things. *grins*  

and if i need to hit someone for some reason it makes one heck of a weapon.  *smiles*

Day 03 -Something with which you struggle.

Sheesh... what a question... i struggle with a lot of things at times, but i'd have to say that the thing i struggle with the most is the fear of things disappearing that i trust in. This makes itself very present in my relationship with Master.

i fall into the trap of worrying that one day i will wake up and things will have changed or disappeared or been lost. i have a hard time believing that good things actually stay around for long and because of that, it makes me more clingy, more needy... fortunately Master likes my neediness, which is a good thing for me, lol.

in all honesty, i don't know if i will EVER fully get over that lingering fear in the back of my mind and sometimes in the forefront of it, that things will disappear, that Master will one day just not love me anymore and leave or that all of this is just a dream and i wake up back in hell.

But the good news is i AM trying to relax and not wait for the other shoe to drop. i want to learn to just love and live for the now, plan for the future, look forward to the future, but not FEAR it.

Master always tells me "Don't borrow trouble, ali." (me? borrow trouble? never...grins) and He's right, even though it IS hard for me not to do that. i am the "what if" queen, lol. But i am getting a little better about not borrowing trouble and once Master moves here for good, i can learn to not be afraid that i will wake up one morning and He will be gone.

2. A favorite movie (random facts about ali)

Fortunately this question just asked for "a" favorite movie and not THE favorite movie. i just like too many of them to list just one. However, ONE of my favorite movies is Under The Tuscan Sun.

This is a movie that i can really relate to and every time i watch it, i feel hopeful about my life, my future, and the things i want to accomplish. This started being my favorite movie years ago before i met my Master, and it helped me to not give up on what i always wished for in my life.

While i didn't go to Italy and buy a run down villa (although omg that would be awesome) i found the Man and Master who really allowed me to be myself and release all the hidden parts of me i was afraid to show anyone else.

He's getting ready to move here permanently and my life is going to be very different than it EVER has been. Living my life as His slave is a dream come true that i never really though would ever come true. (if that made sense)

in the movie, she buys that villa to escape the pain of her life back in the states and then, at first, gets bogged down by the life she wants to have rather than seeing the life she DOES have. i'm guilty of that... and i don't want to miss the blessings i DO have.

i also like the movie because she is not overly religious. Nothing wrong with it if it's your thing, but im not religious and it gave me something i could relate to rather than feeling like...well, i don't think that way sooo...
anyway, it's a movie i highly recommend. My Master would classify it as a chick flick, lol and i guess it is...but it's GOOD chick flick that will make you want to go buy a villa in Tuscany, lol.

March Q and A month

I'm not sure how many people read my blog, lol   or if anyone has any questions for Master or myself but W/we invite you to ask away.  W/we'd be happy to answer anything you would like to know.   :) 

Day 1- a place i'd like to travel- 30 days worth of random stuff about ali

Hmmmm a place i'd like to travel... ponders

 There are so many places i want to see both in the US and Internationally, that it's hard to choose just one.

One of the first places that come to mind is Alaska. But one of the main reasons i want to travel there so i can see the Northern Lights. i am totally fascinated by footage i've seen and can only imagine how i'd stare up at them with this look of amazement on my face. :)

There's also the killer scenery and wildlife. i have friends that lived there for 6 years and it sounded pretty awesome when they would describe it and send pictures. :) So there ya have it... one of the MANY places i would love to travel to... with Master of course! None of it would be as good without Him right there sharing it all with me. :)

Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.

The biggest thing i regret not doing last year is working harder at losing weight. i started off 2012 the way i have started the last several years... full of good intentions and goals... but my weight problem was more emotional than ability and i never really put the required effort into it...until i met Master.

i learned many years ago that being really overweight afforded me a certain amount of...invisibility. Odd how being BIGGER can make You MORE invisible, but it worked. it didn't keep me from making mistakes or getting devastatingly hurt but it did prevent me from being faced with situations i didn't feel strong enough to get out of. i didn't have to fight people off as much and i didn't have to work so hard to say NO, leave me alone... something my Master has taught me since He became my Owner.

It would take a long while to explain why i have kept all this weight on. What things happened when i was thin that i didn't want to happen but literally wasn't equipped with a two letter word or the boundaries that go along with it to stop them from happening. I found that the bigger i got, the less i was cornered. i didn't intentionally eat...i just didn't work hard to get rid of it.

But now i am with my Master and i so wish that i looked the way i used to before i decided to hide behind the great wall of fat. :(

since meeting Master, i have lost 60 pounds and i am continuing to lose steadily and i am really happy about that, but i would love to just wake up tomorrow and have it GONE. i want SO much to be sexy and beautiful for Him.

With Master i am safe to come out of hiding. Those things i wanted to try and avoid i don't have to worry about anymore because i am safe with Him...i am stronger, i protect His property and can hide behind Him if i need to. (and i admit i do...often)

There is still something about me that seems to bring out the snakes and leering creeps. frowns and i've noticed that as i'm losing weight, i am starting to become visible again and am getting talked to and noticed more and at times that really makes me REALLY nervous... but Master has me in His arms and i'm going to be ok.

So yes, i DO regret not doing this last year, but there was a reason, a very deep, dark, complicated reason i couldn't.

i can now, thanks to being owned by Master, so THIS is the year allllll this extra weight goes away once and for all and i can be myself again without hiding behind weight.

30 days worth of random stuff about ali

i am a sucker for things like this, lol.  So along with my 31 day writing every day challenge, i am adding this 30 days of facts about ali. (me! lol)   not that anyone asked, but hey if there's anything you wanted to know about me, this will give some of those answers.  :)   Below are the 30 things i will be answering, one per day.  Hey! i just realized Master will be back here before i am finished with both of my personal writing challenges. Cool!! :)  *twirls around happily*


1.   A place I’d like to travel
2.   A favorite movie
3.   Something I never leave the house without
4.   A friend I admire
5    My hometown
6    Best vacation spot
7.    A song for the day
8.    Three inspirational quotes
9.    A close up of my day
10.   A favorite recipe
11.   Three years ago today
12.   The last item I purchased
13.   Something I’m proud of
14.   A piece of architecture I love
15.   Three blogs I always read
16.   Someone who inspires me
17.   My family
18.   What I wore today
19.   Most memorable of 2013 so far
20.   Something that means a lot to me
21.   A self portrait
22.   What I love about my job
23.   Eight things you don’t know about me
24.   Something that makes me smile
25.   The contents of my purse
26.   Something I’m looking forward to
27.   A favorite restaurant
28.   A skill I’d like to learn
29.   Something I could never tire of
30.   Three wonderful things that have happened in my life

3 weeks...

Master left this morning. :( All the children got up to see Him off and i was stunned when even my 19 year old son shook His hand and hugged Him. my son hasn't even hugged His bio and step fathers in years.

Master showed them on the calendar when He'd be back and they want to put the calendar in a prime spot so they can mark off the days. He'll be back by the 30th of March and will be here for Easter!

It'll be O/our first holiday together in the house and i'm really excited about it. Easter isn't a huge holiday in O/our family, but having Master here will make it special. Easter egg hunt, Easter baskets and a cook out! :)

i'm trying really hard to be brave and show the kids i can keep it together but inside i already feel the emptiness. he's just so... dynamic and fills the house with His presence. i am grateful for the time He spent here and will look forward to His return with more excitement than the children have. :)

I asked Him what things He would like me to work on while He is gone, so i have my list and will make Him proud by getting everything done before He gets back.

i think He'll be here in time for the April Jax munch as well so that will be nice to see the new friends W/we've met as well.

i know this is my take on everything, but i am happily surprised and pleased how well Master and i get along and how smooth everything is when W/we're together. i have never been with anyone i get along with and want to be around all the time. it's really fantastic! :)

Now just 3 more weeks and He's back!! :) The countdown started the second He drove down the road this morning.

Day 1: Something You're looking forward to this year...

Okay here is the topic for day one of my 31 day writing challenge. This one is easy... Something i am looking forward to this year...

MY MASTER IS MOVING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This time last year i never would have thought that i would be owned by such an incredible Man. in fact, this time last year i was hiding after being hurt yet again by another lying player that i had managed to get myself tangled up with.

A week after this exact time last year i got THE email that changed my life forever from a Man that took my breath away and blew apart all the walls that i had so carefully constructed. He was relentless and after two months there WERE no walls left. of course i pretended there were or tried to make myself feel less scared by pretending they were there if i needed them, but the truth was, He had done away with all of them.

Having my Master to serve 24/7, having a daily life with Him with Him is something that i always dreamt of but was afraid to really believe i'd ever be fortunate enough to find.

In my Master's arms i have found happiness, a love like i've never known, true freedom in His ownership of me and someone that i am madly, deeply and completely in love with.

Saying i'm looking forward to Him being here is actually pretty lame compared to actually how i FEEL about it... but it is too exciting and important to NOT have this be THE thing i am most looking forward to.

31 days of writing challenges...can i do it? :)

i found this on a profile i was looking at on fetlife and thought it looked like a cool thing to try. It's 31 days of writing. Various questions about life and stuff. Looked like it could be interesting so here it is. If anyone would like to do this too, be sure to link to your writing from here. i'd love to see others' responses as well. Have fun and hope to have some others do this with me! Below are the days and corresponding questions to write about. i'll be starting mine tomorrow.
:)
• Day 01: Something you're looking forward to this year.
• Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.
• Day 03: Something with which you struggle.
• Day 04: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.
• Day 05: Something in life that gives you balance.
• Day 06: Something that excites you and fills you with joy.
• Day 07: Describe your first REAL kiss
• Day 08: One thing in the world you’d LOVE to change
• Day 09: Guilty Pleasures- you choose how many to list
• Day 10: Something at which you've been a champion or the best.
• Day 11: Something about which people seem to compliment you.
• Day 12: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
• Day 13: Discuss some of the things on your bucket list.
• Day 14: Someone who has made your life worth living.
• Day 15: A band/musical artist whose music impacted your life.
• Day 16: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
• Day 17: Someone with whom you shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of your life.
• Day 18: Someone you met randomly that's made an impact on your life.
• Day 19: Something that shook your belief system to its core (a big disappointment in your life).
• Day 20: Discuss your favorite movie and why it's so special to you.
• Day 21: Write about your best friend (not significant other) and what makes them special.
• Day 22: Describe a dark/turbulent moment in your life.
• Day 23: Describe a truly spiritual moment in your life.
• Day 24: Discuss a spontaneous moment in your life that that turned out to be fantastic.
• Day 25: Discuss something you planned that ended up not being what you expected.
• Day 26: How do you handle/deal with both success and failure?
• Day 27: What is your vocation (why are you here on earth)?
• Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life (what one great thing do you want to accomplish)?
• Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)?
• Day 30: Someone in your family that means so much to you.
• Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself.

Just a little bit longer...

Master leaves tomorrow to go back to Wisconsin. sighs i'm trying to be brave and look forward to His return in about 3 weeks for another trip instead of concentrating on the emptiness that His not being here will leave.

3-4 weeks after that He's here for good and i won't have to be away from Him ever again like W/we have endured the last almost year. (June 12 of this year marks ONE YEAR! whoo hoo!)

Master's time here has been fantastic and other than a few little things, it went beautifully. (at least i think so, lol...hopefully Master feels that way too) The children adore Him, the dogs adore Him, even the ferrets were jumping around His feet yesterday morning after their escape from their cage. And of course, my heart feels completely at peace going to sleep and waking up each day in His arms.

Things are just so great when W/we are together and my worries seem to have been unfounded. I know this has and will be a big change for Master, but the kids were really good and they listen to Him really well. My youngest has never eaten better than she has with Him here and she's usually a very picky eater.

W/we went to Golden Corral last night and she asked to sit next to Him. She asked me tonight how many days until He would be back. She wants to get a calendar and mark the days off until He's back. I'm sure the processional of happy kids, dogs and ferrets will line the driveway as He pulls in, lol. (of course i reserve the right to send them all to their rooms so "i" get to see Him first...wicked grin)

Every day has been special...even when all W/we did was go to Wal-mart and buy groceries. (although the sheer volume of groceries i usually buy was a bit startling for Him at first. )

Today W/we went for a walk in the woods right by the house and it was beautiful. It was also very, VERY hot for many reasons that i will not explicitly share..smiles ) i was reluctant to go at first because the last walk He and i went on i really struggled due to being so overweight, and i was worried about a replay, but this time i did SO well and Master even told me that i did great and it was very different this time than last.

i'm looking forward to continuing to lose weight and feeling even better and sexier for Him. He showed me how loose my collar has gotten and i was shocked. i didn't even notice that it hangs MUCH lower on my neck than it did when He first put it on. it makes me feel good because i have a hard time seeing the loss and tend to focus on the parts i hate.

All in all, i am blissfully happy as His slave and can't WAIT until He is here for good. Tomorrow will be hard...really hard...:( but i will do my best to make Him proud of me by working on the things He wants me to with the business and His home and count the days until He pulls back into the driveway and i get to feel His arms around me again.